One week later..

It's been a week since my heavy bleeding and cramping.   A week since my miscarriage began (or so I believe).  I've gotten on with my life, but that doesn't mean its gotten easier.  Any time I have to myself I find myself wondering "what if?"

What if this hadn't happened?  I'd be 8 weeks along now; I'd be getting closer to seeing my little one on the screen for the first time.  I'd be preparing the big preggo announcement!  But no, it didn't happen that way.

What if my body had accepted the pregnancy? Would I be having more symptoms? Would I experience the "morning" sickness?  How big would my belly grow? How hormonal would I be?  What weird, if any, cravings would I have? What else would change?

All those little things many pregnant women complain about, I would give anything right now to be experiencing them.  When, and if, I get pregnant, I will love every second of it.  I know that already.  I'm not going to take any minute of it for granted.

And then, sometimes, I still imagine that there is a possibility that maybe all the signs, hormone blood tests, etc. were wrong.

Yes, I've blamed myself also.  What could I have done differently?  Is there something wrong with my body?  Will this happen for me.  But, I have to keep going along.  I have to remain positive.  Keep thinking this was just a part of life I had to go through.  Something to make me stronger.

We'll try-try again soon.  I am continuing with my vitamins and hope/pray this happens soon for us.  I know now, we're ready.

EDIT- quick read right now while I'm trying to figure out to navigate through this blogger looking for other insightful blogs but found this: http://www.scarymommy.com/coping-with-a-miscarriage/

I enjoyed reading it.  It truly explains things.